postSaturday, 01 March 2008

Tilda Swinton is a TRY-HARD

Michael Clayton was a terrible film that ended up steeling Into the Wild's Oscar spot. Well, let the Clayton bashing begin.


We’ve all met try-hards. Those people who just let the shit fly out of their mouths in the hope that their audience will eat it up and declare them the king of the universe. At school (and sadly university) you had those guys who would tell the TALES of their weekend which usually involved everything except the Loch Ness Monster.

You know the type: “It was so hectic, I drank 43 beers and then 12 bottles of Whiskey, then the cops pulled me over while I was driving with a hooker on my lap but I told them straight “Look buddy I am the Law” so he let me go which was great timing because just then a camel walked past and offered to give us a ride back into town and didn’t even ask for a tip. (You can substitute “camel ride” for whatever extremely improbable events you were spun. The usuals are copious amounts of attractive women, booze, and how much bigger the other guy was, when truthfully they got drunk off 2 beers, and ended the night alone after being beaten senseless by a dwarf with cerebral palsy).

Now to the feature presentation: Tilda Swinton is a try-hard.

She claimed when asked about the Oscars: “I’ve never seen it on television and I’ve no idea what happens here.”

What a load of crap- I’m not one for celebrity gossip but this really ground my gears (I’ll have to check with Pete Griffin what the correct past-tense of “grind-my-gears” is).

Swinton, THE NOW OSCAR WINNER, claimed she had never seen the Oscars before and didn’t really know much about it. WOW, SHE’S SUCH AN INDIE ACTRESS- lucky for her she just happened to act in an “Oscar Movie” being released in time for “Oscar Season” which generated oodles of “Oscar Buzz” (who the fuck did she think this Oscar guy was anyway). It's probably the biggest lie caught on camera since Clinton lied to the entire Nation (you know the one about finding Hillary attractive).

Sadly- Tilda’s performance as she uttered these lines was very unconvincing, and she may have played the “I’m sooo disinterested in this Awards show” card a little too hard (Can’t remember all the jiz that came out of her mouth but I’m sure it’s documented on the Net somewhere).

A side point is that her performance in Michael Clayton wasn’t even that great. Sure she spoke with a decent American accent and their was one scene near the end where she looked reasonably shocked, but otherwise it was nothing special. Now Tom Wilkinson, on the other hand, deserved the statue, although I must admit I didn’t catch that Old Man Cowboy Movie but I can confirm that Javier Bardem’s haircut really freaked me out.

2 comments:

Rob Scott said...

Yes, she definitely didn't deserve the Oscar a truly average performance as was the rest of the film )except for the great Wilkinson's performance.

Probably one of the most over rated films I've ever seen. When I interviewed Lloyd Kaufman he fucking tore into this picture. However, watching George Clooney run up a hill after throwing his belongings into a burning car was one of the funniest things ever caught on film. "George, you run like a Welshman."

Note: In spite of this Tilda Swinton has done some fantastic work in the past, dude.

Nim Chimpsky said...

Oh the score for Michael Clayton was really cool- that really deep sub-synthy sound was great (definitely deserved its nomination) but its list of Oscar nominations was really surprising, like when Denzel picked up an Oscar for "Training Day" (a good performance but not vein-popping).

Although who can deny that George looked suitably awkward in the rolling credits scene when he's sitting in that cab- i say he should have deserved an oscar for that alone- classic. But the movie didn't really have any Vein popping moments- (moments in which the acting is so intense that one of their veins is likely to burst at any second) ala Dan Day-Lewis in the "I've abandoned my child" speech. Take a look at those two veins on his forehead kids- now that's acting.

But to get back to my friend tilda- she may have done fantastic work in the past but my beef with her is her seemingly fraudulent ignorance about the oscars, honestly when she spoke she had the sincerity of a beauty queen either that or it was a joke with the worst delivery since any episode of "Joey" (if i ever see the chick who played his sister on TV again I'm likely to kill myself, seriously the worst actress i've ever seen playing the most clichéd character in history)

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