Dr Michael Salzhauer, a plastic surgeon, has written a picture book to help mothers explain to their 4-7 year olds that they are getting plastic surgery.
Apparently, little kids can get freaked out when their mom comes home looking like she fought Mike Tyson. Future books in the series will include. My Daddy the Serial Killer, Why Mommy plays with Humberto the Gardener? and Why Daddy plays with Humberto the Gardener?
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Most of us don’t get our kicks out of attaching a R100 note to a fish hook and some line, then lowering it down a building and suddenly yanking it away whenever an excited homeless person tries to grab it (shame on you Marcus Stelloh). But most of us do get some form of happiness from having more money than others.
At least this has been the consensus since a 1974 study by Richard Easterlin was published. However, the study had some unexpected results known as the Easterlin Paradox.
To sum up the three observations:
This little bit of information made the relationship between financing and happiness a relative statistic. Thus, it did not matter if you had less than those in other countries because all that mattered was that you were richer than those around you.
This little paradox has been exploited by the press, hippies and a couple of munchkins to illustrate that money doesn’t buy happiness. As opposed to the fact that people are superficial and want to be number one in their space.
However, now an Aussie with a ponytail and an American who hardly ever blinks have disputed the Easterlin Paradox. There new study basically observes the following:
This is pretty groundbreaking because as anyone who reads the Bible knows, Esterlin is infallible and if the new research, from Wolfers and Stevenson, is accepted by the greater economic community it would prove him wrong – undoing all creation and effectively ending all life (that might be wrong but it’ll sell newspapers).
Wolfers and Stevenson claim that the new findings are due to errors in collecting data among countries.
I, however, am not so convinced, although I’m sure the press will mount this like Paris Hilton to ‘any moving object’. Of course I haven’t read the whole study yet (it’s over 70 pages and I’ve known about it for an hour) but from what I can assess is the following:
Look how unhappy us South African’s are:
Zak Penn told ComicMix that he is working on the Captain America film. But then his representatives contacted ComicMix to inform them that he isn't, even though they transcribed the interview correctly.
Either Penn has a very overactive imagination or he violated the confidentiality part of his contract. If you read the interview you also find out that Penn isn't necessarily to blame for crap like Fantastic Four; that the new Hulk film is Norton's baby since Penn hasn't been involved in months; and there may be a young X-Men movie. They better bring back Cyclops.
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When NBC announced it's line up for next season Scrubs fans were left empty handed. Not only was the long running "smack me on the ass and call me Sally because this shit is whack" show being cancelled but due to the writers strike six of the planned episodes that were to tie up the series and end it properly were cancelled.
Fortunately the long rumoured move from NBC to ABC looks like it will actually take place. E! Onlineclaims that 16 more episodes will air. Apparently the budget has been trimmed but Zach Braff is on board.
Don't know about you but I'm stoked. You can read the full report from E! here.
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British Scientists have created embryos using human cells and the egg cells of cows. They claim that such experiments will not lead to human-animal hybrid babies or to medical therapy.
So what use could these sneaky scientists have with such a 6th day violation. You have a right to be sceptical. They only ruled out hybrid babies, which means these Newton loving bookworms intend to skip the infant size and begin producing an entire army of ferocious Cow-Men™. Look at the pic on the left for the fate of your doom. You have been warned world.
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Defying the odds once again Friday Night Lights has been renewed for a third season. The show was renewed for a 2nd season last year, in spite of low ratings, due to critical acclaim and a loyal fanbase. This year the ratings have not improved and it seemed like it would be curtains for the struggling show.
However, NBC and DirecTV have come to a rather unusual deal. 13 more episodes of the show will be filmed with NBC and DirecTV splitting the production costs. The episodes will then premier on the satellite service, DirecTV in October, before being aired on broadcast network NBC early next year.
NBC entertainment chief Ben Silverman said that the deal would allow NBC to make a profit off the show without extending its audience. DirecTV's maximum audience of 16.1 million people is not expected to negatively effect the shows viewership on NBC and in addition the additional marketing from DirecTV is expected to expand the shows audience.
Of course this news is bigger than the show itself. With the writers strike and general Broadcast TV ratings dips negatively effecting the networks advertising revenues, there is a need to find ways to cut costs. Until this the most common way has been cancelling scripted shows in favour of more reality TV.
This deal could represent a change in the way business is done among the networks. Resulting in quality shows with loyal fanbases being kept in production without major budget cuts. It also means that broadcast will not necessarily be the first stop for all it's primetime shows anymore (which already happened with Dexter).
If only this could have happened for Arrested Development.
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I stumbled onto Wogan’s blog today who had posted a letter from some other (unknown to me) blogger, which was a response to a recent Mercury article titled 'It's not too late, say sorry for apartheid'. While Wogan seems to think that this was a sharp response, it personally made my blood boil, it ground my gears (al la Peter Griffin), it made me see red and all other synonyms for a sudden burst of rage.
Obviously the letter is either written by an ignorant moron or a wanna-be Goebbels trying to develop some new propaganda. Anyway, I’ve decided to re-write it so it makes more sense. The original is in red italics.
To the Previously Disadvantaged,
To the disadvantaged,
We are sorry that our ancestors were intelligent, advanced and daring enough to explore the wild oceans to discover new countries and develop them. We are sorry that those who came before us took you out of the bush and taught you that there was more to life than beating drums, killing each other and chasing animals with sticks and stones.
We are sorry that our ancestors were power hungry morons bent on world domination. We are sorry that those who came before us disrupted your way of life and destroyed your culture.
We are sorry that they planned, funded and developed roads, towns, mines, factories, airports and harbours, all of which you now claim to be your long deprived inheritance giving you every right to change and rename these at your discretion. We are sorry that our parents taught us the value of small but strong families, to not breed like rabbits and end up as underfed, diseased, illiterate shack dwellers living in poverty. We are sorry that when the evil apartheid government provided you with schools, you decided they’d look better without windows or in piles of ashes.
We are sorry that they abused, tortured, killed, raped and exploited you as slaves so that they could develop roads, towns, mines, factories, airports and harbours, in order to further exploit your land and resources. We are sorry that our culturally imposed values and culture that our parents have passed onto us and we used to redefine your country undermine your values and culture. We are sorry that the evil apartheid government only provided you with schools that offered a compromised education to ensure your oppression.
We happily gave up those bad days of getting spanked in our all white schools for doing something wrong and much prefer these days of freedom where problems can be resolved with knives and guns. We are sorry that it is hard to shake off the bitterness of the past when you keep on raping, torturing and killing our friends and family members, and then hide behind the fence of “human rights” with smiles on your faces.
We happily give up those bad days when problems were solved with an “ask questions later” mentality. When the innocent were abducted, tortured, detained and killed without evidence or trial. We are sorry that we let the crimes of the minority make us bitter to the rest of your race. We are sorry that we are still racist.
We are sorry that we do not trust the government. We have no reason to be so suspicious because none of these poor hard working intellectuals have ever been involved in any form of corruption or “irregularities”. We are sorry that we do not
trust the police force and, even though they have openly admitted that they have lost the war against crime and criminals, we should not be negative and just ignore their corruption and carry on hoping for the best.
We are sorry that we do not trust the government even though the corruption and “irregularities” that occur in it are not far different from the governments of the countries which raped your land in the first place. We are sorry that we blame the crime on the inabilities of the new police force, when the seeds for such anarchy were nurtured in the hate and one sidedness of the previous one.
We are sorry that it is more important to you to have players of colour in our national teams than winning games and promoting patriotism. We know that sponsorship doesn’t depend on a team’s success.
We are sorry that for us ‘winning is all that matters’ and that we don’t care about having representative sports teams and promoting patriotism, even though out teams have still excelled on the field.
We are sorry that our border posts have been flung open and now left you competing for jobs against illegal immigrants from our beautiful neighbouring countries. All of them countries that have grown into economic powerhouses after kicking out the “settlers”. We are sorry that we don’t believe in witchcraft, beetroot and garlic cures, urinating on street corners, virginity testing, slaughtering of bulls in our back yards, trading women for cattle and other barbaric practices. Maybe we just grew up differently.
We are sorry that our counter parts have destroyed our neighbouring countries and that we don’t appreciate you efforts in the situation. We refuse to accepts or admit just how much harm we have done. We are sorry that we do not attempt to accommodate or except your cultures even though some of ours involve eating the blood and flesh of humans, taking expensive cough syrup (which does nothing), urinating on street corners, cooking our skin in the sun, starving ourselves for fashion and other barbaric practices.
We are sorry that your medical care, water supplies, roads, railways and electricity supplies are going down the toilet because skilled people who could have planned for and resolved these issues had to be shown away because they were of the wrong ethnic background and now have to work in foreign countries where their skills are more needed. We are so sorry that we’d like this country to fulfil its potential so we can once again be proud South Africans.
We are sorry that we are so against affirmative action and what it stands for. We are sorry that we can never acknowledge the new government’s achievements but linger on the failures. We are sorry that many of us have a bad case of ‘swart gevaar’ and left the country because of this. Most of all we are sorry that we never wanted apartheid to end, we just wanted to change its name and make some of its policies less cruel.
The Previously Advantaged
The Advantaged
Whoever wrote that letter and those who find it amusing are the very poison that makes me ashamed to be white. Why are we such a disgusting race?
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It’s been 67 years since the first Wolfman film and in that time makeup sure has come a long way. Entertainment Weekly has released the first look at the New Wolfman due out February 13 2009.
Universal have pumped an $85 million budget into this horror remake starring Benicio del Toro (Traffic), Anthony Hopkins (The Remains of the Day), Hugo Weaving (The Matrix) and Emily Blunt (The Devil Wears Prada).
While director Joe Johnston has no Werewolf experience (unless you count that scene in Jumanji where the boy turns into a dog thing), the same cannot be said for the films special effects makeup artist Rick Baker.
Baker told EW, “[To fans] At least you know that the guy who's doing the makeup in the movie is coming from the same place they are — as a fan. I have a real appreciation for the old Universal classics. The old fanboy in me is jumping up and down here!”
Baker became a makeup artist because of films such as Frankenstein and the 1941 original version of The Wolf Man. His passion for Werewolves is reflected in his resume. Take a look:
| The Howling (1981) |  |
 | |
| Thriller (The Michael Jackson music video) (1983) |  |
| "Werewolf" (The TV series) (1987) |  |
| Wolf (1994) |  |
| Cursed (2005) |  |
Apart from turning men in to lycans, Barker has also one the Academy Award for Best Makeup six times:
 | |
| Harry and the Hendersons (1987) |  |
| Ed Wood (1994) |  |
| The Nutty Professor (1996) |  |
| Men in Black (1997) |  |
 |
Applying the makeup to Del Toro took about 3 hours and another hour to remove it, which is quick for the type of work. It’s good to see that Barker has remained faithful to the original style and not gone overly giant wolf (al la Van Helsing).
It will be interesting to see what happens next year when this is released as Werewolves seldom do big numbers at the boxoffice. Here is a list of the top grossing modern (1980 – onwards) werewolf films without the ones that also have vampires (Van Helsing, The Underworld films).
| 1. Wolf (1994) | $65,002,597 |
| 2. Teen Wolf (1985) | $33,086,611 |
| 3. An American Werewolf in London (1981) | $30,565,292 |
| 4. An American Werewolf in Paris (1997) | $26,570,463 |
| 5. Cursed (2005) | $19,297,522 |
| 6. The Howling (1981) | $17,985,893 |
| 7. Silver Bullet (1985) | $12,361,866 |
| 8. Wolfen (1981) | $10,626,725 |
| 9. Teen Wolf Too (1987) | $7,888,703 |
| 10. The Company of Wolves (1985) | $4,389,334 |
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The following is an extreme translation of Operation Margarine by Roland Barthes from Mythologies (find out what that is).
Nowadays it is common for people to smugly discuss the problems of the status quo as an foolproof means of defending it. This is how it goes down: You take the idea or the belief that you treasure like a head on a stick – then you attack it from all angles. Allow everyone to know how petty or problematic it is – let the idea ‘go-down’ on its own imperfection. Then just before this idea explodes all over its self pull it up and save it “in spite of” its problems, or rather because of them. Want a couple of examples? There are o so many.
Take the army. It’s a barbaric institution that is above civil law – it is the autocratic state within the democratic state. It takes common people and drowns them in uniformity. They are the ones who fight for the rights of a country that they themselves are exempt from. And just when everyone is in your pocket and sees that the army is archaic, with slight of hand, bam! Now you are talking about the perfect patriotic institution, that which the whole country, the flag - democracy itself depends on. It is a necessary sacrifice that is made to create the heroes that protect our way of life. And like a battered wife who knows no better, we come crawling back, battered and bruised but still very much in love.
Speaking of the army again. Argue about the scientists and engineers that blindly push the limits to create such devastating weapons – the same weapons that are used to exterminate human life. But then pull a 180 and speak about all the great developments that have come about because of this fierce science. Explain how the military is great because of the triumphs, which it provided the genesis of.
Last but not least, let us look at the church: Talk with words laced in napalm about its self-righteousness, its narrow-minded bigots – lay all of its faults out on the table. But then just before you deliver the final blow (picture the Superman vs Doomsday battle) – explain the benefits that its moral lawfulness provides and how the act of salvation can save even those who are excluded from its reach.
It is a kind of vaccine: one cures doubts in an idea by explaining the faults that plague it.
This inoculates those it touches as they accept a lesser evil to prevent or cure a diabolic one. Then anyone who rebels against the inhumanities of the status quo and its values – is the common illness that is now insignificant – already inoculated against. There protests will fall on deaf ears, as they are already accounted for. Those who see the weaknesses are pre-empted and familiarized with them before they can consider them as anything other than inevitable, and in the long run beneficial. We trade our freedom for the transcendent good of the idea. A little ‘confessed’ evil saves one from acknowledging a lot of hidden evil.
This vaccine can be seen in the marketing for Astra margarine. Their adverts always begin with a cry of resent against margarine: “A mousse? Made with margarine? Unthinkable!” “Margarine? Your uncle will be furious!” and then the adverts open one’s eyes and margarine is described as a delicious, economical and useful food.
The ads aren’t just selling a product they are selling a value - “Get rid of the prejudice which costs you dearly.” This is how the status quo disposes of progressive views. “The army is extreme, archaic and undemocratic.” “Of course the church is full of bigots and murderous conformism.” The argument then turns to the inevitable, “But”. But what is wrong with these insignificant negatives when they are entwined with tremendous advantages? It is worth the cost of the immunization. After all, does it matter if margarine is just fat, when it goes further than butter and costs less? Does it matter if the cost of order is a little brutal or a little blind, when it provides us such tremendous social benefits overall? And so we stand rid of the prejudices which cost us dearly. Stripped of our principles which cost ‘us’ too much, in terms of the ‘greater’ good.
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I will be posting extreme translations of certain essays from Roland Barthes's Mythologies. What's an extreme translation? Pretty much a summary in the first person. Instead of doing the typical summary - "Barthes said this; Barthes thought that." It will be written in the first person.
Also an extreme translation will update the language to a more contemporary understanding, however, examples and opinions will still be those of a 1950's Frenchman. I'm sure there are some who would hate this little project but I think Barthes himself would be in favour of it. The English speaking world does not have first hand access to Barthes's esays in Mythologies anyway, since he wrote them in French and they were translated by Annette Lavers. Thus, this is a translation of a translation.
So anyone familiar with Barthes's interest in meaning would know that he would probably find this project slightly interesting. Any of the following opinions are meant to reflect Barthes's opinions but since they are my interpretation of his work this will not always be the case.
Anyway enjoy Mythologies: The Extreme Translation (keep checking back here as more essays are added).
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What makes us at The End more angry than ignorant racists? If you said nothing, you got the right answer. If you said Bob Saget's standup you were a close second.
What does early margarine advertising have to do with the army, the church and arguments? Find out by reading this post.
What's more extreme than a Minotaur, probably the Iron Man Hulk Buster Armour but since we don't have that, here is an extreme translation.
