postSaturday, 19 April 2008

Kill People the Green Way

playmobil_nun_with_gunWhat do churches, bullets and toys have in common? If you said toast you should consider getting a metal health check up, otherwise read on.

shooting_targetWe've all heard about people steeling the copper telephone wire in developing countries and how this wouldn't happen in respectable developed countries. Well it is happening there too.

England has a lead theft problem. Thieves are peeling strips of lead off church tops to sell on the black market. The clergy, of course, are renowned for their large supply of lead or as Leonardo de Vinci said, "If you want gold and women become a King. If you want lead and children become a priest."

Why steal lead? Because lead shortages and high Chinese demand have pushed up the price of lead to all time highs.

That's right that lead painted G.I. Joe your kid is sucking on isn't only killing him slowly it's pushing up the price of lead (China just banned our blog for that comment, which is impressive since I haven't even posted it yet - those guys are really on the ball). Do you know what else they use to make lead with?

Bullets. Ammo costs have gone up and supply has dwindled (supply and demand go figure). Some blame this on the Iraqi war but here is the real culprit:

This is a live webcam of John Rambo. He is in some developing country and all he does all day is fire off endless rounds at developing soldiers. Aside from being quite the marksman (look at those headshots) and spreading democracy ("the bullet is the truest means of voting"  - George W.), Rambo is also pushing bullet costs up to the extreme. Someone needs to stop this man and get him to go from that, to this:

Yes, John Rambo there are green alternatives to killing and decapitating developing soldiers and generally spreading the goodwill of democracy, why don't you start using them?

Until someone does teach Rambo to kill in a cost effective manner Police are having to reduce the amount of target practice their recruits can get. That's right police are going to get worse at aiming. Which is not what we need when we are faced with an invasion of the Cow-Men™ /Gator-Men™ coalition.

If you want to find out more about rising metal prices and supply and demand visit Freakonomics.

Note: Due to a massive demand in truth from the general public and the miniscule supply coming from the press, politicians and big business the cost of truth is at an all time high. Unfortunately The End SA cannot afford these prices and cannot guarantee that this article is 100% true.

2 comments:

Viggly Johnson said...

You know... Abraham Lincoln used to wear a stove pipe hat.

Relevance? Stove pipe hats had lead lining in them. That's relevant isn't it? Whats that I hear? You want more?

Well, Abraham Lincoln was considered one of Americas greatest presidents, and his stove pipe hat was his trademark item of clothing. Kinda like Fonzies jacket. Aaaaayyyy!

Anyway, the lead inside the hat caused dementia in a few people, hence the reason you don't see stove pipe hats that often these days. Put 2 and 2 together... Abraham Lincoln was a demented half wit due to lead poisoning, and is considered one of Americas greatest presidents!

Doesn't say much for American Presidents. So put that in your stove pipe hat and smoke it!

Rob Scott said...

So I guess I should stop using lead condoms. So Viggly how did Bush get lead poisoning?

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