That's Pretty Racist Juno

Yes, we are going to attack the heart-warming movie of the moment with racist allegations. We are just that bitter. Would you like some gum?

I just got another hate comment on the racism in Transformers post and remembered how much fun it is to get all the clan lovers riled up. I decided I should point out some more racist action in the film industry and remembered I was planning on writing a post about Juno in December but never got around to it.

I won’t bore you with the whole I loved the movie I’m a huge Jason Reitman speech – I’ll just get straight to the point.

When they started marketing the film I was pretty pissed off to find out that it stole one of my signature lines – using Morgan Freeman as an arbitrary conversation point. Ask Viggly or Stelloh, they’ve heard me over the years use Morgan Freeman for al kinds of crap. Take the following pointless examples:

Person: Is that you Rob?
Me: No, it’s Morgan Freeman. (this is basically what the film used)

Person: You’ll never guess who I saw last night?
Me: Morgan Freeman.

Person: Hey, guess who Marcus scored last night?
Me: Morgan Freeman.

Person: What’s the capital of Brazil?
Me: Morgan Freeman.

I accidentally stub my toe.
Me: Morgan ‘Fucking’ Freeman that hurt!

Basically there was a point in my life where I’d just use Morgan Freeman as the answer to any question. Obviously, Juno (or more precisely Diablo Cody) didn’t steal it form me. But after Juno - especially since it’s grossed a ludicrous amount of cash and almost everyone will have seen it within the next year - I can’t use the phrase anymore without looking like a lame Juno imitator.

Anyway, back to the racism. Juno’s line in the film is something like, “No, It’s Morgan Freeman, need any bones collected?” Hello, Morgan Freeman wasn’t in The Bone Collector or has never played someone that’s trade mark is collecting bones. The person in question is Denzel Washington.

Now that’s quite an oversite. That would be like mistaking Brad Pitt (younger white actor in his prime) for Jack Nicholson (Old established white actor). So who ever is responsible for that line seems to think that all black people look the same. That’s just racist.

What are they planning on saying in Juno 2: Attack of the Abandoned Baby:

Friend: Is this Juno?

Juno: No, It’s Martin Lawrence, is Billy Bob Thornton around so I can have academy award winning depressed sex with him?

Here are a couple of lines Juno could have said that would not have been racist:

No it’s Morgan Freeman…

• Have any old women that need to be driven around?
• Any young Jack Ryan’s there for me to mentor?
• Have you seen Betty?
• Do you think my eyebrows looked ridiculous in Dreamcatcher?
• Know any junkies whose kids I can steal?
• Would you like to build an Ark?
• Have you seen that tall drink of water with the silver spoon up his ass?

Oh, and here is a drinking game you can play with the whole family. Pop the Juno DVD in and every time you see a black person have a drink. While you have fun playing that I’m going to have to come up with another celebrity name to use as my trademark.